when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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