wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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