I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
