wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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