the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
