I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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