oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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