Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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