Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
