Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
