dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
