I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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