I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
