The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
