You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
