you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
