You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
