I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
