hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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