I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
