Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
