I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
