sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
