OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
