You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
