At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
