im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
