I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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