The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
