I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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