Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
