Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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