You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
