I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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