Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
