so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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