and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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