u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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