How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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