The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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