walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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