Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
