She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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