Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
