if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card