Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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