it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!