I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so let's talk penis.
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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