Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab

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(312): i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab http://tfl.nu/kluh

Replies (18) Good night (2795) Bad night (837)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(816): Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0tqt

Replies (11) Good night (650) Bad night (3022)
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(858): View more from California

Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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(858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1

Replies (44) Good night (2385) Bad night (5276)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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(501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3

Replies (31) Good night (1366) Bad night (4185)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

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(570): You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians. http://tfl.nu/d2bn

Replies (20) Good night (5927) Bad night (1240)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.

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(570): You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol. http://tfl.nu/n8ii

Replies (11) Good night (907) Bad night (3400)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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(702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55

Replies (11) Good night (4946) Bad night (1640)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

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(908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone. http://tfl.nu/nbte

Replies (12) Good night (1178) Bad night (4021)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

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(612): Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us. http://tfl.nu/wdqz

Replies (5) Good night (4385) Bad night (1071)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job

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(610): When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job http://tfl.nu/gbra

Replies (4) Good night (3178) Bad night (1147)
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(641): View more from Iowa

you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts

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(641): you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts http://tfl.nu/ee07

Replies (10) Good night (2469) Bad night (751)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2

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(336): He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2 http://tfl.nu/rjqf

Replies (5) Good night (2108) Bad night (535)
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(913): View more from Kansas

i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us

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(913): i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us http://tfl.nu/7y99

Replies (6) Good night (526) Bad night (1150)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?

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(416): I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know? http://tfl.nu/vw9n

Replies (12) Good night (651) Bad night (964)
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(585): View more from New York

I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.

(1-585): View more from New York

I regret none of it.

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(585): I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house. (1-585): I regret none of it. http://tfl.nu/t45o

Replies (8) Good night (1171) Bad night (334)

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