hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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