Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
