Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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