i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
