Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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