We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
