so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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