She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Someone signed my nipple.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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