So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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