I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
