I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
