Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
