My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
