i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
