Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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