2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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