So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
