Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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