What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
