CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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