Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
