I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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