You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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